Having a hard day

In general leaving Owen has been easier and harder then I thought it would be. I am starting to realize that that is the 100% essential truth of parenting - this impossibility of things never being quite what you expect and simultaneously being good and bad. The no easy answers and the no matter how hard you try obsessing about things that probably don't matter. I always wonder about my parents generation. My mom didn't seem riddled with angst over decisions such as
Is my baby eating too much?
Is my baby eating too little?
Should I stay at home?
Should I work?
If yes to work - full time, part time etc

She seemed so sure of herself as a parent and honestly like she had bigger and better things to worry about then the minutiae of my life. But I was her 3rd child. Owen is my second and I already see myself so much calmer and easier going then I was with K. But now I drop her off at daycare with hardly a second thought- I know she is OK there, I know she likes it there- how - well she is happy playing when I get there and she can tell me. I like that Owen is staying at his home with one person comming in be it his regular nanny or his Aunt to love and take care of him. The few days my aunt can't do it I have found one of the best replacements I could find- K's teacher of over a year who has honestly been my favorite teacher she has ever had which is saying a lot because for the most part I have loved them all.

But today though I know he is in great hands I miss him so bad. I honestly miss him and am more worried about him then the first day I left him. When I left him the first time the day was so crazy and busy being back that I honestly didn't realize I missed him until I got home and held him and felt his soft hair on my chin and smelled his baby Owen smell. Then my heart broke into a thousand pieces realizing I hadn't had this all day. Then after a few days things go easier and I felt happy to be productive at work again and I felt like he was adjusting well to his new situation. Then out of the blue a full two weeks and 1 day later I feel worse then when I first left him. I don't know if it is because I worked at home yesterday morning and saw him more but it can'tbe just that because I have been lucky to do that 1 other day and the next day back wasn't worse.

Oh well 1 more day until Friday and then I am home with them both for the weekend which I am sure will be better and worse then I expect.