To pump or not to pump

Otherwise known as weaning is so hard to do. Owen and I have made it nursing much longer then I ever expected- he is 4 months old and will be 17 weeks on Friday- if I make it until 18 weeks I will have officially breast fed him 3 times as long as his sister. Given his huge appetite and my inability to pump much at work - we have decided our next step is to wean him down to only nights and morning feedings and we will see from there were we go. Most of me knows it is time and probably time to go beyond that and stop breast feeding entirely (but there is no way I am going cold turkey like last time too painful) but no matter what there is always a part that says- no don't give it up keep going - keep going. So my second pumping session that I normally do has come and gone and I sit here trying to make myself not do it- it is all psychological I know that this one day would make no differnce then have been a couple of days I could only pump once at work but this is the first that I could have but am not since I am trying to wean down 1 pumping session then I'll drop the first one and we will be at night and morning feeds.

Before I didn't stop because Owen wasn't ready even when I was- now I think he'd generally be just fine if we stopped nursing. Yeah Yeah I know all the benefits but honestly he'd be fine. In that I mean I don't think he'll miss it the way I think he once would have. He is starting some cereal which is just bound to drive my supply down even a little more and there is a time when you need to say what is best for everyone and you say hey let me have my body back. But all in all I remind myself right now we aren't stopping completely and really for the most part I feel like I am just following his lead and taking him where he needs to go.

Don't get me wrong ambivalence is normal but such a bitch. I will always miss this once it is gone but there are so many things of babyhood that are really a royal pain but yet you still miss when they are gone. Especially since he is our last.
Feels weird to write it but according to our plans he is our last. Who could need or want more than him and Kaitlyn.