I think as parents no mothers have way too many voices telling them how to parent. I don't know when everyone got an opinion and when having an opinion makes you an expert much less an expert that can write a book telling others how to parent. No one really cites the sources anymore - maybe they never did maybe that is just the researcher in me who finds that necessary. But either way regardless of what it is based on - folk wisdom, grandparents experience with their own children, your experience with your children, your experience with god, or just what you think should happen - you feel the need to tell me about it and act like it is literally an instruction book from God on how to raise a perfect child.
I was more or a prey to this with my first child. At around 1 week she woke up and I felt completely overwhelmed with what I should do. No family was with me at the time so I went to what I always do - research. Friends recommended books, I bought them and read them, all of them -all regarding to sleep because any mother of a newborn will tell you - two things matter eating and sleeping and as long as you child is gaining weight normally then you really only care about sleeping. Well people trying to make money know this so many infant books are geared toward getting your baby to sleep through the night. I did this, I found message boards, and talked to friends and family and drove myself totally insane.
I was speaking to my friend an OBGYN and her husband a pediatrician who just had a baby and she went through much the same thing I did but maybe less crazy then me because in my opinion Psychologists are the nuttiest of the bunch. Of course I added my voice- does that help but I tried to add a voice of moderation and reason and that you need to find what works for your family. Who knows it is still a voice that i am sure sounds authoritative to her.
With my son it has been better - it is rare that things get to me but when they do I am just as insane because I love him just as desperately as I love his sister.
But I find now maybe it is the calmness or maybe it is just situations but I get all kinds of opinion from random people on how to raise my children
“Don't vaccinate them”
“Vaccinate them”
“If he doesn't crawl he will be developmentally delayed”
“Crawling doesn't matter”
“The problem with parents today is that they don't spank”
“Never ever hit your child “
“Soy formula and Zantac for reflux is evil”
“Soy formula is best and reflux is a real medical condition “
My mom says when were babies there was one book "Dr. Spock" maybe this is true my mom is someone who always sounds very certain but can't always provide that source when checked. I am sure opinions from well meaning strangers and the older generation were just as present but at least without the internet and 100 books on child rearing there were less voices. Plus it is easier to discount grandma who says put a little rum in their bottle and they will sleep great at night.
So I will add my voice to the mix.
Your children and grandchildren are not my children and please shut up – no I take that back – bring it on – I can take – leave first time moms alone and let them figure it out for themselves- and if you must offer advice then please phrase it as a suggestion with some degree of modesty or cite your damn source – if you are so perfect and right then you should have something beyond your all important thoughts and opinions to back up that kind of advice.
