I really have a life outside my kids

Not much of one maybe but I do - I work full time- I have friends - most of them are too far away but I do- the problem is work wise- well I have been well convinced of the risk of blogging about work and family well I doubt mine have found this blog but if they did well writing about them I couldn't win. So I write mostly about my kids and of course whatever soap box I am on.

Right now I want to capture the specialness that was this weekend. When you have your first child every special moment you think I will remember this forever, sadly you don't - I don't know why even when I see pictures or videos of Kaitlyn as a baby it is almost like she and I were different people and I only get the faintest and very faded picture of what that moment was really like. Still special and the things you didn't try to save well you know they are gone. So I remember this clearly a good night while I was putting her to bed before Owen was born but just before and I thought I will remember this moment forever- but I felt immediately sad because it was the first time I realized that I probably wouldn't.

SO this weekend specifically Sunday. Owen is currently in this magical period between ear infections and I get to see his real personality. He has had a constant ear infection since November with brief respites- it started when he was one so I thought oh he is getting a toddler temper early but the truth is somewhere in between- he does have a temper and is more demanding then his sister was at this age and more stubborn though that hardly seems possible. But not as bad as it looks as it seems he has been in pain which obviously makes him unhappy so I say on days 6-9 of his antibiotics I get to see what my son is really like. I love him all the time but gosh he is a special happy little boy on days 6-9.

Anyway nothing was particularly special about this day- except if you have ever parented two children under the age of 4 then it seems like a miracle. But Owen was happy - Kaitlyn wasn't throwing tantrums and was happy and they played together just he way you probably imagine siblings playing together before you have one. Kaitlyn was playing her new favorite game- take my buddies and dolls to school and Owen was just playing like any 14 month old that doesn't walk would. I thought both stages are so perfect and fun (usually I can recite the problems with each stage pretty well along with the benefits) but really today it was all the good with none of the bad. Scott made dinner and cleaned up and no one vomited at the dinner table (that was our Saturday night the not so glamorous and fun parts of parenthood).And Owen has started walking using my hands to help walk him around the house. Kaitlyn never did this and I must say I enjoy it and feel instantly nostalgic because I love it so much but know it is going to be a fleeting moment before he walks on his own and sometime he will be running out the door or graduating from high school and I will think this big boy (I think he will be tall) I used to hold his hands while he learned to walk.

The other thing this brings me too it I know it doesn't happen for everyone and I actually spend some time worrying I might have a favorite but I love love love to compare the two. They are so different yet so the same and I realize that I love both ways almost the same. It isn't to say that especially with my sweet girl where I already see our relationship leaving the simplicity of babyhood. A baby though sometimes you want to tear your hair out at the exhaustion of it once they are smiling and sitting are very easy to have the complete absence of ambivalence-at least for me but I love me a 6 month old and I absolutely adore the stage until I don’t know when but we aren’t there yet with Owen. After all I don't expect him to do much more then be a baby. Her well I do expect things from her and her me and though I don’t' think we love any differently it is more complicated. That makes me sad but like all things it has its pros and cons.

Well this has been rambly and I doubt I will remember this typical ordinary day any better. But my last post was bemoaning the threes and most of it is I think she is moving into the later half of age 3 and I am not shy about saying I now have two stages that I found particularly challenging
Newborn and the terrible 3's though she has yet to spit out to me that she hates me - I am sure that is coming. But 3.5 is suiting me better. I think it is fine as a parent or at least honest to admit that some of the challenges you rise better to then others. But after the last post Scott and I talked and really made a plan of what we wanted from her and how we needed to act as parents to get there. Probably she just outgrew it but it has been a special time with her